Fantasia (Part 3)

MIRAGE

I was lonely and in a bad state of needing somebody.
In my own fata morgana, a small part of me wanted those to happen.
A small part of me wanted to be desirable, needed, longed for.
Even if I knew that it wasn’t true.
Queasy feeling hit me. I knew I wasn’t suppose to enjoy the mirage.
But enjoyed them all, I did.
Stupidly too much maybe.

HALLUCINATION

When fantasies and delusions were mixed together, they created this entire new level of hallucination in my mind.
The way we moved on the floor.
The way we shared the beers.
The way we shared the cigs.
The way he looked at me.
The way he smiled at me.
I hallucinated that I would one day find my own someone-special to reenact those moments again.

WISHFUL

Oh how I wish we were in a secluded room.
Behind him I gently placed my head on his shoulder.
Looking into a mirror reflection of ourselves with loving gazes.
Even if I knew that he’s not even my type
Even if I knew that I no longer care for him
I still wish that then, Dave Matthew would sing.
“Tonight Let’s be Lovers”.
Delivered him safe and sound at his doorstep.
On the way out there was a peck on my cheek.
Apparently, someone was still in his delusion.
And apparently, someone else was also still in his fantasy.
But then again in a figment of my imagination,
I already asked some boyband to perform
“Quit Playing Games with my Heart”.
And quit I did. Wisely. Even if it was a little too late.
Silently however, I thanked him for the experience.
It was nice to be able to feel again.
It was nice to be able to fall again.
Here I am,
On the road again.
At least now I know.

That my heart isn’t made of stone.