Darn Them Bisexuals

Sure, you look like a nice man. A straight-acting normal looking dude. With anyluck, if you’re that cute, we’d be fighting with flocks of women to get your attention. Most of us had been there before. Some of us could and did pass as straights. And then we were straight-but-curious. Moving on as bisexuals. Then we were in denial. Some then went as the homo-newbies. Some continued to be undercover. As some got married, some were brave enough to acknowledge who they are to themselves. Some even went further to live their lives to the fullest and glorified themselves as homosexuals.

Thanks to the speedy-growth of the internet era, youngsters these days could bloom faster than ever. If they choose to that is. Back then in the pre-condom era, they were communal for men public toilets, movie theaters, and seedy parks at night. Then the chatrooms sprawled like fresh bean sprouts. Dating services, online profiles boomed. You’ve been there done that: GIM, gay.com, boyzforum, faceparty, gaydar, friendster, fridae, etc., etc., and finally the localized version of the later called gayasmara.

If language could ever be any barrier for some of us, since the other sites were made abroad, then gayasmara simply removed the obstacle. Suddenly every Indonesian men who were curious, bisexual, gay, transgendered and anything in between were caught up in the storm and established their own account in gayasmara. Easily accessible to create and roam around, gayasmara then became one of the most popular meat-market engines for the entire archipelago.

Half a year after the first launch, most of us then complained of how lame, uncool and unshophisticated gayasmara became lately (a.k.a engga banget!). And that’s not even accounting the no pics, fake pics, fake infos, the ever-too-hopeful, the wannabees, the afraid but curious, the judgementals, the psychopaths, the plain scary, and the list goes on and on. But even post the never-ending complaints, we still regularly check out our kisses, our message boxes, and our new-friend-requests. Everyday. Just for the sake of checking and the you’ll-never-know factor, they said. What happened to "Oh I am so going to close down my account in GA..."?

There they came in abundant: The hordes of bisexuals, formerly undercover or entirely new to the world of men-to-men engagements. I found it to be so beguiling that every single one of them (bisexuals) posed themselves as top people. Later I found out that this group of people then had overly abuse the word top itself.

Claiming one self to be bisexual doesn’t automatically make you a top person. Even if you think that you are a top person, there are of course: the bad, the good, and ultimately the oh-so mesmerizing top dudes. Not surprisingly though, usually these nuveau-bisexuals fell into the first category (bad, bad, bad, you are just the worst, sorry).

Okay let’s check it out yah: you don’t suck, you don’t rim (and even dared to doe-eyed-ly ask “what is dat?”), you don’t kiss, you don’t grope, you don’t lick and caress, and you don’t perform any attempt to arouse your partner. What is it do you actually do then? Oh, so you just wanna fuck? Even that, you don’t even do anything! You guys just laid there like a plank of wood and expected the rest of the world to do your job for you? Hello!

Well, the case could be different if you are an ultimate hottie. As we’d do anything just to be with them. You know, a Brad Pitt look-alike, Olivier Martinez look-alike, a Lenny Kravitz look-alike, an Arie Wibowo look-alike, or the new ever so-yummy Ricky Martin look-alike. Oh yes, we’d serve you so-attentively in your bed like Florence Nightingale would. Only in one case: If you were one of them. But if you’re not and you don’t belong in the A-List of the circuit-hotties? Please… Get a life or something (actually you could get a book: “Making Love to Another Man – for Dummies”).

Guys, tsk tsk tsk! Never again hide behind the mask of being a bisexual, or a top to justify yourselves. Cuz you know how I would justify your being there and do nothing-ness? Lazy boy! Plain ol’e Lazy boy.

If there’s a God above and if we can only make one request, please have Bonnie adjust some new settings in Gayasmara. Remember the menu box of roles in which you’d have to choose? Either you are: top, bottom and versatile? Have him add at least: Top-Lazy Boy and Bottom-Lazy Boy at the end. Oh wait, some of them might fall into this one: Totally Lame Ass-Lazy Boy.

Serve your man right, and he’ll be coming back for more.