Unrealistic Expectation

“Expectation” by Gustav Klimt, Stoclet Frieze on a Vase

It was late at night. I was tired physically (another big bash family birthday) and mentally (second day of being single again). Not long after that, Mac Flurry was with me again, online again, checking emails again, checking Friendster again. And then I saw a bulbo (bulletin board) written by a long time acquaintance whom I didn’t really had a chance to know better previously. This he wrote…

Message:
Apparently, I am told, my expectations of PLU are unrealistic.

What do you think?Comments welcome.

Here are my basic expectations of a new friend:
1. Intelligence
2. Sense of humour
3. Sensitivity to other people's feelings
4. Ability to hold a conversation on topics other than penis size and sexual role

---

Oh finally! A bulbo with a real message. Not just some news board or unimportant fill-it-your-way type of bulbo. I just had to reply:

Dear Linguist,

Actually yours are pretty basic I think. It was as if almost all human being should be embedded with such characteristics (at the minimum).

However, my list would go on and on as you may see below:
1-4. Same as the above
5. Active life style
6. Easy to get along with most people (sunshine of the day type)
7. Say what you mean... I don't read minds and I do not leave holes for miss-interpretations
8. Foreign language is a definite plus (with English being the minimum req.)
9. Top inclined person with bottom/ sweet face (this one is hard to fine)
10. Or on the contrary, he shan't have ego as high as the Kilimanjaro
11. Spending time together is of course lovely, cute and all, but the world is not ours alone. I am a very social person as well.
12. I love my family, if he is not close to his, that's not my problem and don't make me stray from family duties.
13. Mind if I smoke?
14. Supportive of my career, because I will definitely support your career.
15. Positive-thinker and a high achiever. To fail/ err/ make mistake is being human. Will you remember the famous men? Who had to fall to rise again? So take a deep breath... Pick yourself up... Dust yourself off, and start all over again (quoted from some old tunes).
16. Into classic jazz, playing any instrument is HOT, as well as ability to sing.

Now that's what i call... unrealistic expectations, no? And I haven't even gone physical yet!

Finally, I then realize that the world may be better without a checklist. I am just going to enjoy the next guy to the max. Why? Cuz he may be able to even produce other qualities not mentioned above that would sweep my feet away.

Cheerios!
Ambi.

---

Instant Reply:

Message:
God Ambi, now I don't know whether to be encouraged or even more abysmally depressed. I cannot even find my four. How would any of us find your 16? It is just a losing battle. Your point on checklists is taken, but I didn't intend it to be one, just I numbered them so it looks like one, or something, I dunno, it's after midnight and I didn't sleep for a single minute last night so I am pretty much BLUR.

I think I give up. I am becoming a lesbian.

Show Off at the Upper Room

While some had six, some had even more, still counting, seven, eight: The number of packs visible on their naked abs. Personally, I haven’t gone any closer than this in my life before to any abdomen this superlicious that showcased those hot-stacks of hard muscles. Maybe just a little glance in the locker rooms back at the gym, but these babies were for real and for show!

I was deliberately waiting for Fa’s response on the event of last Wednesday’s Ubernacht, the 5th anniversary of Men’s Health Magazine – Indonesian version. You were right Fa! Muscle-worship-congs were like everywhere no? And cutie pies too. (Tried yelling at you but you didn’t hear). It was an equivalent of going to a church. The Church of Perfection, lead by Minister Yudha, the editor of the Indonesian version, who’s kinda cute but needs to be more “representative” (i.e use the tips in your mags and go to the nearest gym).

The event itself was kinda lame from my point of view, for a magazine this caliber to create such mundane event. tsk tsk tsk… (sigh). The spotlights specifically glared onto the wrong directions, visually blocking the stage with floods of whiteness while hurting sights. The silent pauses between acts were horrible. Indra Herlambang, the MC, was funny though. Got to give him credit for that. But the worst was the choice of music: They hired this grunge band that’d replicate 90-s rock hits, a bit too hardcore and maybe intolerable for the majority of their subscribers who are actually women and gay men, said some inner-circle informant. Especially when the theme of the day was Ubersexuality, a notch higher than what we’ve known about metrosexuality with deep-attention towards humanity-and-the-environments added to the mix.

Oh yes, one more thing. Maybe this is just a form of muscle-envy from my side, But next time, please train your coverboys better. Gym bunnies don’t necessary know how to pose for the photo sessions. Even if they are good enough, they don’t necessary know how to walk the runway. But hell, they can walk into my room at any given time. (Slap me).

Now, let’s get real. To top the event, there was the crowning of the “Be Our Cover” (BoC) Model Search 2006. Do you ever think that any of the contender –who doesn’t have anything better to do but a 24 hour gym-session to create such perfections- would actually care about humanity… about the environment? Please… Even for the so called uber-“role model”, that they actually chose were Brad Pitt and George Clooney. For metrosexual icons yes. But for ubersexual? Get another dude, guys. If I were to award the prize, it’d probably go to a Mr. Richard Gere. Still sexy yet into actively solving social problems as well. Bill Gates and Michael Dell are very generous as well. But Mike wasn’t that fashionable and Bill’s even too far from sexy. Sorry Bill! Just like any other philanthropist, to become an Uber-person it took years of hard work and fine-tuning to master this. And these young hotties on the showcase are far too young to receive such acknowledgements.

Back to the Model Search award, I always voted for the nice-caring- understanding-puppy face look as you may see above, as seen on Sigit and Amrin. But the reader’s choice award went to Felix, who was hot, active, and has the naughty-boy-I’m-all-that look. He also does inline street hockey (at least he did on the stage). And if, just wait, if he speaks with an American accent, he’d be the perfect ABC for me. Thank God he lost the BOC award to Ghaniy, another puppy face whose picture here just didn’t do him justice. In real life he’s much much, I say, much cuter with a killer smile that would melt anyone’s heart. However guys, my Abs Definition Award would probably still go to Felix though. Maybe Ghaniy won a mile by brain and personality. At least I hope so.

Ah, so many men. I even met people that I’ve been wanting to meet and greet from a long time ago by Friendster. Not surprisingly, the friendster photos might fool some of us: Ya oloh, itu si Mr. A dan Mr B. gahar-gahar di FS kok ternyata ngondek yah? Found an acquaintance without his bf (and hid who he was with). Found two former false hopes of my friends. Found a former client who’s all so yummy by now. And who is that guy in the orange polo who was supposed to represent My Body or Celebrity? Yes. Hotties were abundantly everywhere.

“Your eyes are free to roam tonite. You may look but you may not touch”, noted hunny beside me.

Aww. Shucks. I was just about to say hello to the percussionist with some extra large biceps and a very broad shoulder. Maybe he... should be your cover instead!

New Toy

This was the reason why I love photography. Beautiful vivid imageries and in contrast, deeply saturated monochromatic feel in BW. Ah, for some time I almost forgot how I enjoyed composing the scene and pressing the shutter release button. I never dreamt of owning one of those huge SLRs. Didn’t like the price, didn’t like the complication of using one, and mostly I didn’t feel like lugging those heavy and expensive items around town, where most likely you’ll be the next mugging target at the street hawking eateries and the traditional markets (my favorite objects).

Amateur photographers, you may relax now. The new toy, Ricoh GR-Digital, that I am holding dear to my heart today is small enough, a little longer than your cigarette pack, extremely fast and responsive, and best of all it is very easy to get creative with.

The camera may look ugly for some people. But for me it is a retro-classic item. All black with leather like rubber grip on the side. Pardon me for being technical here. But these details are all the reasons for me to have one. In Manual Mode, your aperture selection ring is placed at the front of the camera, the shutter speed selection ring is placed exactly at where your right thumb would rest. Furthermore, ISO and white balance settings are only a click away with the adjustment button. If I can give one credit for Ricoh on this toy: the seven GR lens worked beautifully in Macro mode to give you catalog looking professional blurred background shots. While most digicams are set with an equivalent of an approx. 38 - 114 mm equivalent to 35 mm film camera, this baby is packed with 28-70 mm lens (eq. to 35 mm film camera). It also shoots in RAW and fine mode (8 Mega!). And get this, you only need 1.5 cm distance to get an extreme close-up of your object! For expandability you may even get a lens adaptor to set up lens filters and yes, a 21 mm wide angle conversion lens sold separately by Ricoh. I only wish that they'd produce any 17 or 18 mm wide angle soon in the future.

No wonder Davy Linggar just got one as well.

Finally, I could rest my fingers at ease. Who needs Photoshop anymore?
People take me everywhere!
Let’s roll babe.

Below you may find some sample shots that I took.

Special Note: Older version of Safari for Mac may not be able to view the scrolling pictures above. Please click this link to view a larger version of the images from my album at photobucket.com.

Arab Dreams

Gosh it sounded like a title of a porn movie. But anyway, Thank God that I could act. Not in the porn, but I just had to. For the amount of cash that he was asking for a mere 1.8 by 2.3 m rug that I was sweetly fondling in my delicate hands, I could easily purchase the latest all-in 17” MacBook Pro right away. I had to act like I was somebody. Like it was no biggie for someone to spend an obscure amount of hard-earned-cash to then just throw it on the floor and nonchalantly step on it. Instead of looking shocked and amazed, I of course said, “Do you have other similar patterns? Yes, I see… It’s very lovely…”

Prior to this, I knew that I had this “thing” for sun-tanned Mediterranean jocks, but I never knew that the fixations would extend to even floor-coverings as well: Oh the intricate patterns and the brilliant colors. They were God sent! Extremely and gorgeously beautiful. It was as if the world had stopped and even the most beautiful man would never satisfy my needs any longer. So there they were, laid seductively spread-eagled for my own viewing pleasure. The carpets, not the Mediterranean men, mind you! Very traditional Arabic (motifs) they were or shall I say (precisely), Iranian? And when the Pakistani shop owner made a 180-degree rotation of the carpet, I then saw the same pattern in another color-hue of the same exact rug. It almost felt like I would even sell my soul for this. To produce this wonderful effect, the carpet, he said, incorporated a dual-dimension weaving technique. I was sold. At the moment, all I ever wanted to say was, “Do you take Master or Visa ?”.