Growing Pains - Living Strong

Some kids who turned out to be gay today, might share horrible stories about their childhood as portrayed by Hollywood and also in some indie flicks. Some had sexual abuse, overpowering parents, or on the flip side, no-show parents. Some got bullied and tormented for being different. Some received horrible dehumanizing call names such as sissy, banci, bencong, etc. You there. Either you pretended to be on their side or you were one of the victims

Growing up pretty nice, I was just happy being gay I think. Back then I didn’t know better if I was even different. I enjoyed men at some very early age. Older, younger, didn’t matter for this seducer. For past-timers, playing bekel, congklak, jumping rubber ropes and stuffed animals with my gals were fun enough (note: no dolls and barbies here!). I think the in-the-shades-games were better than inserting myself in some outdoor fields to play basketball, soccer, or tennis. Even if I learned just a little bit of tennis, squash and golf, it was simply because it was posh to do so. However, I did not find basking under the glare of Mother Ultra-Violeta that much interesting (changed when it became trendy to sport suntan glow), being gorgeous of course wasn’t easy.

Now, the taekwondo in Bulungan and the roller-skating in Monas were different… I did actually like the crowd. They were abundant around, cute kids about my age and our cute instructors. Sessions with those massive legs in a joggy terry-ultra shorts were too hot to miss in the skating arena. It was like an orgy of different people mixed together in one big cultural pot. On the contrary, gym, swimming, jogging and other personal non-competitive sports were done only for the sole purpose of keeping oneself healthy, beautiful and supposedly happy.

You are different from the rest of us!

Never in any case you’d find an older kid bullied me because I was big to begin with. That alone ought to gain me some respect. I could crush any enemy with ease, even if I wasn’t that masculine (Yes, I worked hard for the army-look you see today you know!). Not that I would blatantly punch someone on his face. Some of the reasons were, not only I was a supporter of peaceful negotiations since I was in the 6th grade, I was also afraid that it would break my nails and leave any permanent damage onto my skin or knuckles. As you guessed it, never did make any enemy, always good in school, active in the church choir. A total momma’s boy to be proud of.

Ms. Cimahi, Ms. Bangkok, Ms. Panama City and Ms. Bintaro came along. But then again I was afraid to have any physical engagements with them, if you know what I mean. Found out that men are more pleasing and attractive. On another side, my career was okay, a bit bumpy at the beginning, but always thankful for what the Above has given me everyday.

Fortunately, if I wanted something that bad, or worked hard enough for it, I always get what I wanted at the end (except maybe in the love department). Problems may arrive; we sorted things out, consulted, thought of, and solved them one at a time. Deep shit, shallow shit, little happiness, extreme euphoria, roller coaster ride, sometimes life is just like a sinetron. That’s how I grew up. Even with everything that happened, life was and is just beautiful and meaningful.

Hover and click your mouse on the animation above and wait for the clip to download in another window. There, Wilfred Brimo, a great animator tried to picture the growing pains of a boy who never cease to be optimistic in finding his true love. Brimo and the French Gov’t incorporated the classic 1974 tune, Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes to send this very sweet message to promote AIDS and other viral transmission awareness.

Always play safe and may the f*%! force be with you.

| Live strong | Enjoy Life | Keep on being optimistic |

Ultimate Mellow Playlist

Why is it that sometimes, every little thing would remind us of our past relationships? Even if they were just some summer flings a little while ago? The taste buds, the scents, the movies or even the songs that we listened together could trigger some memory lapse into our own history bin.

Listening to those songs yet again always created some pangs in your heart or could even open old-healing-wounds. For example, remember the songs on the brink of breaking-up with former lovers or the songs prior to sudden interruption with former flings? They were also known as my Mellow-Playlist in my iPod that I hereby present to you (and stupidly play over and over again). I wonder why most, if not all of them are cheesy Indonesian pop songs. Is this a way to feel the pain better?

Hurt me then! Nah, I am not even gonna be mad or feel sorry about those so-called experiences. They happened in the past already for God sake, tomorrow is a beautiful day I always hope. True, those shitty things are bound to happen, but nice things are around as well as long as you know where to look.

But anyhoo, without further ado, here are some of them in my Ultimate Mellow Playlist in the short romances of the life of me:

Break-Up Songs*
Ratu – Salahkah Bila Diriku Terlalu Mencintaimu
Glenn Fredly – Sekali Ini Saja
Ello – Terbaik
Tangga – Terbaik Untukmu
Agnes Monica - Jera
Samsons – Naluri Lelaki (T’was his fave at the time)
*) Please note that some dudes deserved more than one song!

False Hopes Songs
Ada Band – Masih (Sahabatku, Kekasihku) -> Yikes, he turned out to be totally straight
Maliq d’Essentials – Terdiam
Ratu – Teman Tapi Mesra
Rio Febrian – Lebih Baik Darinya
Marcell - Semusim
Dea Mirella – Takkan Terganti

And for the latest no/ slow responding new-comer in my life, I think it would be suffice to scrape you off my list while adding another one of those false hope songs right here, right now:

Kenangan Terindah **
- Samsons -

aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun
aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

darimu kutemukan hidupku
bagiku kau lah cinta sejati

bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau kenangan
yang terindah dalam hidupku
namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang tlah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah

**) No attempt was made from my part to translate the above for some of my non-bahasa friends since the lyrics were just extremely cheesy anyway.

Ouch. Dontcha worry, I wasn’t too hopeful kok. Kenangan Terindah was just playing on the radio when we decided to sing it together. Nevertheless, moving on again here. Constantly I keep reminding meself: How blessed my life is; How great I feel about everything; Don’t me worry bout a thing, another fling will find me soon!

I can just feel it. I knew it. The next encounter will make me hum a happy song. Yay!

THE END

PS. So guys, now is your turn. Just for old time sake, what was your ultimate break-up/ false hope song?

Yellow Submarine

No. I wasn’t referring to a cute song done by the Beatles a while ago. Since I was little, I never was a big fan of the color yellow, especially the tacky shades of yellow. I always voted for the color blue, white, ecru and grey, just like any normal dude would. But today, I have a formal reason for not choosing yellow, ever again. It began in simple lazy morning while I was busy –ehm- browsing pages on friendster when all of a sudden I saw the picture below (again)!

I remembered how ghastly they were when I first saw them a couple of years ago somewhere in the web of dunia maya. Now, if they weren’t even the real pictures of the friendster account owner, why would he display the gaudy images from never-land below? What was he thinking (that is if he was equipped with a brain to begin with)?

You think someone would get away wearing anything remotely close to that on the beach? Alas for public display? I immediately foresee a warning sign similar to the ones they were forced to print on your cigarette boxes.

[ GOVERNMENT WARNING ]

STRAPPING ONE’S BALLS TOO TIGHT TO ONE’S SHOULDERS MIGHT CAUSE GREAT PAIN AND FURTHER DISCOMFORTING COMPLICATIONS. PROBLEMS SUCH AS SHOOTING BLANKS AND ERECTILE DYSFUNCTIONS MAY OCCUR. UNSUITABLE FOR ANY AUDIENCE, ESP. PREGNANT WOMEN.
VIEWING WILL CAUSE NAUSEA, VOMITING AND
A MANDATORY LEGAL PROSECUTION FOR GENERATING PUBLIC HORRIFICATION.

Run Lola Run. Yes, stupid you with the polka-dots! You shouldn’t need a tsunami for a reason to scurry from the ocean front.

B. is for Bandrek!

Bogor Presidential Palace enclaving the Botanical Garden.

Can’t remember the last time I went to Bogor. I still remember the old colonial buildings, the greens, the rains, the humongous trees, the beautiful vista. Sure, it was work related when I had to travel back and forth a couple of years ago. Last time I stepped into the city I think there was a friend’s wedding in one of those cute colonial show-houses.

Even though I just felt better from a pre-flu syndrome, I was so determined that I would go visit someone in the city of Bogor (formerly known as Buitenzorg in its heyday). A mutual friend of mine introduced us earlier, we spoke on the phone, but haven’t gone vis-à-vis as of yet. There I finished our morning and midday meetings, grabbed a quick lunch, and on the road I was, speeding on the Jakarta-Bogor highway.

Driving alone out of town was never fun for me, unless there was of course a catch at the end of the rainbow.

Had I known this information, I would have gone to this city of angkot-way way earlier. Cool, calm and calculated was my first impression. Almost two hours we were at de koffie pot café, smoking and sipping our cuppa coffees. We conversed like regular adults. We then made jokes and we laughed. The place was insanely cool and sassy with minimum objects but the bare necessities. You can always count on white walls and hardened concrete floors to exude a zen-ified ambiance.

Latte at de-koffie-pot, two thumbs up!

Next on our list were:

Gifts for staffs’ upcoming birthdays and mom’s going-to-the-market bag from Tajur:
Rp. 300,000,-

Molto delizioso Ngohiang-Bogor take away from the shop next to de Paris Bakery:
Rp, 30,000,-

Hot Bansus (Bandrek-Susu/ Ginger Tea with Milk) and the delectable accompanying fried fritters in Air Mancur marketplace for two:
Rp. 6,500,-

The afterglow subsequent to sitting too close to someone in particular in a crowded Bandrek warung for another hour in waiting for the rain to subside:
Priceless

For everything else, there’s Kartu Debit BCA*.

For everything else that mattered lately, I wish He’d grant me another Bogor trip soon.

Amen.

(*When in Bogor, do what the Bogorians do, they like debit-card BCA and cash better!)

Smitten by Pop Star?

Wow, gembar-gembor tukarguling saham di Anteve dan StarTV akhirnya jadi kenyataan. Ada rasa bangga karena pasar tv nasional Indonesia dianggap menarik oleh Mr. Murdoch. Tapi ada rasa kecewa karena dominasi internasional makin menggigit dan merambah di segala bidang di perekonomian Indonesia. Even Astro, salah satu perusahaan tv kabel terbesar di Asia aja, udah mulai melakukan pemasaran dengan demo super nge-jreng di MTA beberapa bulan yang lalu. Aduh. Mau jadi apa kita?

Tidak hanya tayangan graphic-design yang dipercantik dengan kolaborasi Star-AnTV, beberapa program-pun mereka reshuffle and perbanyak. Dan gue ga berani nebak gimana nantinya reaksi pasar baik di level publik maupun di BEJ, tentang ada angin apa ini sehingga “Arisan” the movie… akan diproduksi (with orginal cast members) menjadi “Arisan” the series di Star-AnTV. Gue cuman berdoa semoga penayangan secara khalayak ramai tentang depiksi kehidupan segelintir binan Indonesia ini tidak mencorengkan nama atau bahkan membuat opini negatif terhadap eksistensi para homogenics di Tanah Air (teteupp).

Ok, puas dengan sedikit concern bernuansa politis. Akhirnya gue coba tune in tuh ke the all new Star-Antv combo. Kira-kira jam 8 malem, ada satu film Indonesia yang di tayangkan salam tajuk iSinema (mungkin skadar gaya-gayaan mendompleng iPod atau iDrive, atau even short for IndoSinema).

Film dimulai dengan cuplikan-cuplikan landmark-landmark Ibukota yang diambil dari kendaraan yang berkeliling seputar Jakarta in show-off the city mode. Very normal dan banyak di temui di opening scenes film-film Indonesia lainnya lately. Kemudian sang judul muncul, kalo ndak salah Namamu Arjuna.

Dari depan gue udah misuh-misuh, aduh ini mbak-mbak aktingnya biasa aja deh… kurang greget, kurang natural, bla-bla… Walaupun cinematography-nya boleh gue kasih rating “kinda cute” dan kudos buat Mbak Sara Silaban sebagai pengarah musiknya. Terus tiba-tiba masuk seorang mahluk yang bernama Mario Lawalata di film itu. Gue instantly memaafkan segala kestandard-an plot, ketidakmenarikan pembuatan dialog, bad acting skills, etc., etc… just because ada Mario! Somebody slap Me!

Apakah guenya yang kampungan dan baru turun gunung seperti katanya Bang Kar? Mosok ya selama ini gue ndak pernah liat sosok (aduh terbuat dari apa) mahluk satu ini yang bernama Mario? Of course I’ve heard that the supreme Oscar had a hot model bro called Mario, tapi sumpe gue yang ga pernah nonton sinetron atau baca-baca infotainment ini baru sadar how cute Mario actually is! I was smitten on the spot.

Coba ya… ga mungkin jugak kale, gue bela-belain nonton film yang oh-so-predictable ini selama 1.5 jam kalo engga cuman mau mantengin doi aja? Haha… Don’t care about his bad acting karena setiap kali dia senyum di layar kacaku, gue juga ikutan senyum sampai merinding. Hatiku jatuh berceceran di lantai dengan setiap tatapan matanya.

Aduh, kalo harus gue jelaskan seperti apa tipe gue itu… Mario would be the epitome of those “turn-ons” column yang harus kita isi di profil-profil dunia maya: Ga usah tinggi-tinggi amat, sekel, army look (look at those dog-tags), sweet face, sideburns, five o’clock shadows and those big arms and big shoulder concept. Hmm… Aneh untuk seorang gue, yang ga pernah starstruck dan brasa celebrity is just another human being (only with more coverage)… He is definitely my favorite strawberry shortcake.

Well, at least secara fisik.

But then again reality bites. Aduh emang gue sapa anyway hehe… Masyaolo…urusin dulu tuh those extra fat yang ampir jadi permanent storage di sekitar pinggang elo! Urusin dulu tuh extra blackheads yang timbul setelah kebanyakan enganging dengan Miss Long Island Ice Tea during the weekends! Urusin dulu tuh pundak elo yang beranjak dari pundak Chris Daughtry ke arah punuk Hunchback of Notredame skarang!

Well, at least secara fisik.

Mr. Big Sale and Mr. Refreshment

If Monday was a very lazy day, it was only right for me to expect that Tuesday wouldn’t be a regular day. It was like having an extra long weekend that I didn’t have to go to the Jakarta office on Monday, thanks to the Labor Day demonstrations.

Came Tuesday. I didn’t realize that the special something that was happening in the building would create such a havoc in finding a parking spot, in which I never had any problem previously. The elevators were jammed with people, mostly I haven’t seen before around the buildings. People started to use the emergency stairs to incredibly climb 6 flights of stairs to lay their hands on one of the ultimate sales of the year.

While some of us were panting and gasping for air to land our feet on the place, some people were descending the same staircase with big smiles and big red “on-sale” plastic bags, there was an incredibly large printing of Guess on top of it. Finally, our group of strangers behaving erratically triumphed in getting into the 9th floor. Wow, what an achievement. I wonder why none of us had fainted or collapsed in the fight to reach the sale floor. Maybe it was the spirit of togetherness or the born-to-shop determination or maybe it was our predatory instinct to out-fashion other bargain hunters.

I could only remember two annual sales in Batavian history that would even come close to this madness: the Mango and of course the annual Zara sales. But then again, this event was of course one of PT. GAP’s strongest brands on sale: Guess and Raoul (did I see M&S too? Can’t remember clearly).

Clothing, shoes, jeans, watches, belts, even bags and accessories! 30-70% off!! Lemme, tell ya… I felt like I was dead and awoken in some exotic paradise called the bargain heaven. Piles of clothing items were being scattered on tables as if it wouldn’t have any fashion/ price value (Yes, even post-discounts, some items were still unbelievably expensive).

How would this mass-hysteria happen during office hours? How many people cheated their bosses just to come to the first day sale (they think it’s the best stocked day), only to find their bosses were there as well to beckon them in returning to their works. It was like a white-collared version of sweet revenge on the previous day of blue-collar demonstrations through out the city.

The best part was of course the crowd. Oh, you’d have to be there to see the first day. Cute people were everywhere, as if it was mandatory to dress up for the bargain. Yuppies, students, in between jobs, friends and foes (“Why didn’t you tell me there was this sale? But you’re already here anyway!”), or the same people you’d see strutting the lanes of place de l’existance (or EX, per-Mr. Bantal’s word). The moral of the story is: Discounts are always sweet, even if you can afford the full price.

Some were fighting for the same shoes, some didn’t even realize that they’d lost their kids, some went into delirium, some maxed out their credits. Even the queue at the purchase lane was an equivalent of getting into Puri Misteri in Dunia Fantasi.

As I checked out, the cashier asked me,
“Is that all Sir? Didn’t find many interesting stuffs?”
“Yeah, you guys didn’t have my size”
“Pshhhsst… (she then leaned forward as if she was dropping a DaVinci scale secret)… Come again tomorrow… we will refresh most of the items… even the ones you haven’t seen today…”

“Now, we’re talking!” I sang in my brain.
My pupils were suddenly dilated. Not because of the news that she had to pass on to me, it was this guy who just walked behind her, one of the staffs or the managers. He who looked so hot in his black t-shirt, and a tight pair of jeans in which showed the structure of his bublicious gluteus maximus. Ah, his sideburns and youthful vigor. I melted right there.

I think I will definitely visit the big sale again before it went out on Friday, maybe just to see him for the last time (ah, the unfolding drama!).

It was my turn then to lean toward the cashier,
“Mbak sini deh… You think I can refresh that guy instead?” I pointed casually towards him.

She gave me a very deep and understanding smile, and unexpectedly she again leaned forward to my direction.

“…..”

“Thanks banget Mbak”

I left with a big grin on my face.

Wake Up Call

Gak seperti biasa-biasanya, gue sendiri berasa kalo ada yang aneh yang terjadi pada diri gue. Mungkin ya ada beberapa faktor yang berpengaruh dalam keanehan ini. Volume kerjaan yang semakin meningkat, jadwal supervisi ke sana-sini yang semakin padat. Intinya sudah sebulan ini gue meninggalkan shift-siang standard gue di gym.

Even the calling sirens of those brondong-brondong lucu atau pengusaha-pengusaha muda yang biasa nongkrong di shift-siang ndak berhasil menarik gue kembali ke gym. Padahal gue sedang single! That’s the keyword, my friends. Biasanya neh, kalo gue lagi single justru gue memfokuskan diri sejadi-jadinya untuk mempercantik diri mau perawatan kek, mau gym kek. Biasanya gue niat banget. Untuk dapetin apa yang gue mau gue kudu berusaha kuat. No pain, no gain. Apakah akhir-akhir ini, gue udah mulai cuek dengan penampilan? Apakah gue percaya bahwa my knight in shining armor akan datang begitu saja dan menerima gue apa adanya (berlemak maupun tidak)?

Sampe ndak berani nimbang, setiap hari gue cuek aja. Dengan alasan sibuk banget jadi takut sakit, I ate like regular people (well, I tried to eat sparingly like those models before!). Peduli amat ama itungan carbo-intake, setiap hari meneguk Nu-Green Tea (dengan honey yang sumpe-loe enak banget), malem-malem visiting my tukang Ayam Malaya di Menteng, atau mid-nite bites of the lovely strawberry-shortcake dari Bakerzin. Hmmm. Yumster!

Tapi hari ini gue sangat terpukul. Sepertinya yang di Atas memberi gue ganjaran atas ketidakperhatian gue terhadap kebugaran gue sendiri: Abis nyemil 2 (dua!) bungkus Mami (versi millennium-nya Mimi pas kita masih SD), yang tentunia membuat gue rada2 kekenyangan dan mengantuk di kantor, abis itu sembari gue bahas masalah kerjaan sama temen kantor gue si Harry, gue semena-mena ngulet (stretching) di depan Harry sampai kursi kantor gue ampir aja terjungkal ke belakang.

Another stretch and the worse happened. Gubrak (sorry to use this “so last year” word).
Dan gue terjatuh di lantai kantor supersempit itu. Tawa masyarakat berkumandang hingga memekikkan gendang telinga. Dua (I repeat, dua) kaki dari kursi kantor gue (yang supposedly ngga murah-murah amat), terbelah patah hingga melontarkan 2 rodanya beberapa meter away dari TKP.

Aduh apa kabarnya dengan kesuksesan gue yg berhasil menanggalkan15 kilo lemak jenuh gue pada tahun lalu?

This was a wake up call. I am getting fat (again). Tomorrow I will definitely have to hit the gym.

Niatnya.